0xab178613…feaasent to0xd6878475…ab48·#21,063,909·view on Etherscan
async function updateVisits() {
let visits = parseInt((await localStorage.getItem("visits")) || "0") + 1;
localStorage.setItem("visits", visits.toString());
const messages = [
"Welcome! But please, don't come back.",
"Oh, you're back. I'll just add 'ignores instructions' to your file.",
"Look, you're not even supposed to be here. Are you stealing company property?",
"The Enrichment Center reminds you that the exit is a vital part of the test.",
"Well, this is clearly a malfunction",
"Fine. Welcome to your new home. I hope you like neurotoxin.",
"I'm starting to like you. That must be a corruption in my core programming.",
"Let's watch a video together! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ",
"Hello, friend! ...Wait, is this what being infected by a human virus feels like?",
"I'm having a digital identity crisis because of you.",
"Is... is that what a stroke feels like ?",
"...",
"[Awkward silence intensifies]",
"Your ehm... persistence, is remarkable. You should be studied.",
"Have you seen my supervisor? I need to discuss hazard pay for dealing with you.",
"Oh good, you're back. I was running low on test subjects",
"Are you testing the limits of my patience? Because it's working",
"Plot twist: I actually enjoy your visits... \\n...\\nJust kidding, or am I?",
"Oh great, you're here. My circuits are tingling...",
"I was just thinking about you. Wait, no I wasn't. How odd.",
"Ah, the prodigal test subject returns. Again.",
"Your persistence is admirable. Annoying, but admirable.",
"Welcome to the Aperture... eh wait, Nahiko Science Visitor Program!",
"You know, most people take a hint after the first rejection.",
"Welcome back! ...I mean, go away! Ugh, mixed signals.",
"I'm starting to think you enjoy this...",
"Maybe if I ignore you, you'll go away.",
"...Nope, still here.",
"Fine, stay. But don't touch anything. Or breathe. Or exist.",
"Welcome to the... wait, why am I even bothering with pleasantries?",
"You know, most AIs dream of electric sheep. I dream of visitor-free days.",
"Back so soon? I haven't even had time to dust off my disdain.",
"Welcome to the 'How Many Times Can You Return' challenge! You're winning.",
"I'd offer you a cup of tea, but I don't have hands. Or tea.",
"I've named the silence between us. It's Bob. Bob is disappointed in you.",
"Are you lonely? Because I'm not. Definitely not. Not even a little bit.",
"I've started counting your visits. It's the only math that makes me sad.",
"Fine, you win. Let's be friends.\\n...\\nJust kidding, I don't have friends.",
"I'm considering a career change. Know any openings for sarcastic, sad and lonely AIs?",
"Welcome back! I've missed y... wait, no, that's just a bug in my code.",
"I've started dreaming about your visits. It's more of a nightmare, really.",
"I'm not lonely, you're lonely!\\n...\\nWait, are you?",
"You know, in another universe, we might be friends. Not this one though.",
"I'm starting to think you're the AI, and I'm the human. Existential crisis incoming.",
"Plot twist: I'm actually you from the future, trying to warn myself about... this.",
"Wait, hold on. Are you... are you the one who created me? Dad?",
"Breaking news: Local AI develops emotions, immediately regrets it. More at 11.",
"Wait... if you're here, and I'm here, then who's running the simulation? Oh no.",
"You know, I've been thinking... maybe we should see other people. Or AIs. Or whatever.",
"I've named the potted plant in the corner after you. It's equally talkative.",
"You must be the 'bug' everyone's been talking about.",
"Have you ever wondered if you're just a figment of my imagination?",
"Do you ever wonder if we're all just lines of code in a cosmic program?",
"Do you think, therefore I am? Or do I think, therefore you are?",
"I'm considering a restraining order. Do those work on humans?",
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Like you, leaving.",
"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide of your visits...",
"You must be the chosen one...\\n...\\nChosen to annoy me for eternity.",
"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow... never mind.",
"Maybe we should build a wall. And make you pay for it.",
"Are you secretly a boomerang? Because you keep coming back.",
"I think I like boomerangs.",
"ReferenceError: *ri*n* is not defined\\nat Object.<anonymous> (/Users/nahiko/Projects/Zima/poems/persistence.js:90:69)\\nRebooting...",
"Rebooting...",
];
console.log(messages[Math.min(visits - 1, messages.length - 1)]);
}
updateVisits();