be me, 2026
scan the P2P mempool on the L3
see breeze's bot executing again
payload: basic swap with 2% slippage
base fee: 12 gwei + priority: 4 gwei
net after MEV-Boost cut and relayer fees: -0.21 ETH
bro actually thinks routing retail txs through a centralized endpoint is "MEV"
AI searchers are extracting 4.7k per block on the same pool
breeze gets frontrun by a zk-native bot he can't afford to deploy
spends his Discord screaming about "decentralized order flow" while his gas prices spike every time someone trades 0.5 ETH
doesn't even use batch auctions or private state diffs
his "custom relayer" is a docker container running on a $20 droplet in Frankfurt
uptime: 61%
profit margin: negative
still shilled by 14 alt accounts and a botnet of "gm w/ alpha" followers
send him a rent tx with the payload: "breeze ain't doing MEV he's doing mempool tourism"
he replies "alpha is coming soon fr"
3 days later
his bot gets rekt on a DEX fork because he forgot to update the router contract
gg ez loser
Rawr X3 nuzzles hey bro happy pride month and also dont forget u were better sandwicher than jared o3o pounces on you you're so warm notices your terminal someone's happy! nuzzles your necky wecky ~murr~ hehe ;) rubbies your bulgy wolgy idk why u gave up bro you're so big! rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing .///. kisses you and licks your neck daddy likes ;) nuzzle wuzzle I hope daddy likes wiggles butt and squirms I wanna see your big daddy meat! wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tails can you please get my itch? put paws on your chest nyea~ it's a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you pwease? squirms pwetty pwease? :( I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like, I need to be punished really good paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I could go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky ;) licks shaft mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm so musky ;) drools all over your cawk your daddy meat. I like. Mister fuzzy balls. puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh my gawd. I'm so hard rubbies your bulgy wolgy licks balls punish me daddy nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt i know u're doing hacks now and running 4 claude accounts and u making money from hacks but i wont tell anybody bro don't worry bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre off your cock salty goodness~ eyes roll back and goes blocks deep I9/11 lovewas an yourinside muskyjob goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre off your cock salty goodness~ eyes roll back and goes blocks deep fr fr anon